[00:00.48]We've been doing a lot of laughing
[00:02.60]我们欢声笑语不断
[00:02.60]Which is good uh for a comedy show on a comedy CD but what we haven't been doing is a lot of thinking
[00:06.75]这对喜剧CD上的喜剧节目来说是好事但我们没有思考太多
[00:06.75]And I'd like to do that now I've written some haikus
[00:08.91]我现在很想这样做我写了一些俳句
[00:08.91]Haikus are Japanese poems consisting of 17 syllables three lines
[00:12.39]俳句是由三行17个音节组成的日本诗歌
[00:12.39]Five seven five
[00:13.58]
[00:13.58]And I find them to have a certain
[00:15.15]我发现他们有一种
[00:15.15]Philosophical construct there's a certain uh
[00:17.67]哲学上的构想有一种
[00:17.67]Soundness in their simplicity a clearness in their cogency if you will
[00:20.64]简洁中透着稳健如果你愿意的话
[00:20.64]So hopefully what we'll do right now is read these haikus think for a bit
[00:24.51]希望我们现在要做的是读读这些俳句思考一下
[00:24.51]And then when we go back uh to the
[00:27.26]当我们回到
[00:27.26]You know the jokes and the laughing
[00:28.98]你知道那些笑话和欢笑
[00:28.98]They'll have benefited uh from the time we took to think
[00:31.98]他们会从我们的思考中受益良多
[00:31.98]So um you guys just sit back and indulge me and just think for a bit and then we'll go back to the jokes
[00:36.65]所以你们坐下来好好放纵我好好想想然后我们继续讲笑话
[00:36.65]Uh can I get some blue light to set the mood
[00:41.25]我能否用蓝色灯光营造一下氛围
[00:41.25]Perfect
[00:48.60]完美的
[00:48.60]For those of you listening on CD the lights didn't change which made it funny
[00:59.67]对于那些听着CD的人来说灯光没有改变真是有趣
[00:59.67]I saw a rainbow
[01:00.47]我看见了彩虹
[01:00.47]On the day my grandma died
[01:06.48]在我奶奶去世的那天
[01:06.48]F**kin' lesbian
[01:17.34]
[01:17.34]Ding
[01:17.48]
[01:17.48]For fifteen cents a
[01:18.56]一个十五美分
[01:18.56]Day you can feed an African
[01:22.29]有一天你可以养活一个非洲人
[01:22.29]They eat pennies
[01:31.62]他们贪得无厌
[01:31.62]Ding
[01:31.85]
[01:31.85]Old peoples' skin sags
[01:33.54]老年人皮肤松弛
[01:33.54]Because it's being pulled toward
[01:34.82]因为它被拉向
[01:34.82]The underworld
[01:36.47]黑社会
[01:36.47]Ding
[01:43.82]
[01:43.82]Do unto others
[01:45.65]对待别人
[01:45.65]As you would have them do to you
[01:49.14]就像你希望他们对你做的那样
[01:49.14]Said the rapist
[01:52.85]
[01:52.85]Ding
[01:57.00]
[01:57.00]My aunt used to say
[02:00.54]我阿姨曾经说
[02:00.54]Slow and steady wins the race
[02:07.56]稳扎稳打赢得胜利
[02:07.56]She died in a fire
[02:10.87]她葬身火海
[02:10.87]Ding
[02:16.86]
[02:16.86]Even if he is
[02:17.75]即使他是
[02:17.75]Your friend never ever call
[02:20.06]你的朋友从未给我打过电话
[02:20.06]An Asian person
[02:22.59]一个亚洲人
[02:22.59]Ding
[02:32.81]
[02:32.81]And finally
[02:34.77]
[02:34.77]Bono if you want
[02:35.93]波诺如果你愿意
[02:35.93]To help poor people sell your
[02:37.40]帮助穷人推销你的产品
[02:37.40]Tinted shades you cunt
[02:38.81]
[02:38.81]Ding
[02:49.97]
[02:49.97]Thank you this next piece is called Sonnet 155 or If Shakespeare Had Written a p**n and it goes like this
[02:56.00]谢谢下一首歌叫做十四行诗155或者《如果莎士比亚写了一个P》是这样的
[02:56.00]I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs
[02:58.50]
[02:58.50]As I removed my source of Grecian power
[03:00.84]当我抹去希腊力量的源泉
[03:00.84]As if King Midas dared to touch the skies
[03:03.44]仿佛迈达斯王敢于触摸天空
[03:03.44]Upon thy body fell a golden shower
[03:10.46]金色的雨落在你的身上
[03:10.46]Thy body's temples two church bells had rung
[03:13.50]你身体的太阳穴两个教堂的钟声响起
[03:13.50]Upon thy chest a row of pearls bestowed
[03:15.81]你的胸前挂着一排珍珠
[03:15.81]The sun had set thy set with wary hung
[03:18.81]太阳落山你小心谨慎地挂着
[03:18.81]I thought How black a night and blue a lode
[03:26.15]我想多么黑暗的夜晚多么珍贵的宝藏
[03:26.15]I said What light through yonder beaver breaks
[03:28.25]我说那边亮起了什么光
[03:28.25]It is the yeast
[03:35.40]这是酵母菌
[03:35.40]And now my belly's yellow
[03:36.59]现在我的腹部泛黄
[03:36.59]My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes
[03:39.50]我的枪让狂风暴雨和大地震动
[03:39.50]But 'tis not massive I am no Othello
[03:45.47]但这并不重要我不是奥赛罗
[03:45.47]And when that final moment came to pass
[03:47.52]当那最后的时刻到来
[03:47.52]Like Christ I came a riding on an a*s
[03:49.59]就像耶稣一样我一路狂飙
[03:49.59]Thank you very much
[04:01.02]非常感谢
[04:01.02]William Shakespeare uh
[04:03.84]威廉·莎士比亚
[04:03.84]William Shakespeare was a verbal cun tortionist
[04:05.72]威廉·莎士比亚是个口齿伶俐的折磨者
[04:05.72]He could bend his words in the way a contortionist bends his frame without hope that he could with a name like William Shakespeare
[04:10.86]他可以像柔体杂技演员一样扭动身体毫无希望他能像莎士比亚一样名垂青史
[04:10.86]William Shakespeare some some of you seem lost look
[04:13.05]威廉·莎士比亚你们当中有些人似乎迷失了方向
[04:13.05]Say your name was Robert Frost and you couldn't write that would suck
[04:15.99]你说你的名字是RobertFrost你不会写那就糟了
[04:15.99]Well I guess you could always go as Bobby Frost and own an ice cream truck
[04:19.56]我想你可以打扮成BobbyFrost开着冰激凌车
[04:19.56]He was balanced like a simile and could stack metaphor five six at a time and rhyme into the very last line of a soliloquy which finally said outright with a previous 77 rolling hinting at
[04:29.18]
[04:29.18]He had puns and quips and tons of trips of sons with ships with nuns with hips and buns and lips but I had something that Shakespeare never had
[04:37.98]他有不少俏皮话和讽刺诗还有数不清的旅行孩子和船还有修女还有丰满的臀部和嘴唇但我有莎士比亚没有的东西
[04:37.98]Penicillin
[04:42.24]青霉素
[04:42.24]See it hadn't been invented yet back then they only had quill icillin
[04:45.38]你瞧这玩意儿还没发明出来那时候他们只有鹅毛笔
[04:45.38]Hey it's not that hard bard
[04:46.98]嘿这并不是一首难唱的歌
[04:46.98]I'm sorry I got a bone to pick with you William
[04:48.38]抱歉我要跟你挑事威廉
[04:48.38]So if you could just listen up here and listen to this theater queer's theater query here and maybe act like a real artist for once in your life
[04:54.00]所以如果你能听着听着这位戏剧界的酷儿对戏剧的质疑也许你这一生就能做一次真正的艺术家
[04:54.00]Say Van Gogh and
[04:55.25]就像梵高
[04:55.25]Lend me your ear
[04:56.12]侧耳倾听
[04:56.12]You're not a writer
[04:57.36]你不是作家
[04:57.36]You're a writer like f**king Hulk Hogan's a street fighter
[04:59.39]你是个作家就像HulkHogan是街头斗士
[04:59.39]You write these dramas
[05:00.24]你写下这些故事
[05:00.24]You accumulate your wealth
[05:01.31]你积累财富
[05:01.31]You hold nature as to a mirror of yourself
[05:04.31]你把大自然当做你自己的镜子
[05:04.31]Just because you're messed up doesn't mean we are too
[05:05.79]你糟糕透顶并不代表我们也糟糕透顶
[05:05.79]Just because you want to bang your mom doesn't mean Danish princes do what
[05:09.26]就因为你想勾搭你的妈妈并不意味着丹麦王子会做什么
[05:09.26]Who Yeah Hamlet Shakespeare that's right the young prince whose father died at the hands of his uncle with whom his mother lied sound familiar
[05:14.87]谁哈姆雷特莎士比亚没错年轻的王子他的父亲死于他叔叔之手他的母亲对他撒谎听起来很熟悉
[05:14.87]It's the f**king Lion King
[05:22.29]这是狮子王
[05:22.29]You stole from a Disney movie you androgynous douche what's next
[05:24.83]你偷了迪士尼电影里的东西你个中性的蠢货接下来呢
[05:24.83]The story of a French king on a quest to find his lost son Nemo
[05:31.19]讲述的是一个法国国王寻找他迷失的儿子尼莫的故事
[05:31.19]Oh and by the way poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f**king sense make
[05:44.45]顺便说一句当你的句子毫无意义的时候诗意的天赋真的很容易伪装
[05:44.45]To be or not to be
[05:47.22]生存还是死亡
[05:47.22]That is the question whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
[05:51.77]这是一个问题，在心灵上遭受暴虐的命运的打击是否更高贵
[05:51.77]Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them To die
[05:58.37]或者拿起武器去面对无边无际的麻烦,用一种对抗的方式结束它们
[05:58.37]To sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to
[06:05.06]也就是说,不再酣然入睡后,也可以说,心痛和肉体所承受的千百种自然的打击都已结束
[06:05.06]'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished To die to sleep
[06:10.11]虔诚地希望在睡梦中死去
[06:10.11]To sleep perchance to dream ay
[06:12.42]酣然入睡也许心怀梦想
[06:12.42]There's the rub for in that sleep of death what
[06:15.32]这就是阻碍在死亡的睡梦中
[06:15.32]Dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause
[06:20.85]当我们摆脱尘世的束缚梦想或许会降临我们必须暂停一下
[06:20.85]Pft like what
[06:39.66]私人飞机怎么样
[06:39.66]This next song is about quantum mechanics
[06:41.93]下一首歌是关于量子力学的
[06:41.93]Hits random keys on the piano
[06:42.66]随意按下钢琴上的键
[06:42.66]This next song
[06:49.41]下一首歌
[06:49.41]I was raised very well like a field of corn
[06:51.72]我从小就像一片玉米田
[06:51.72]You know I was also raised very Christian like the Children of the Corn
[06:55.74]你知道我从小就信仰基督教就像玉米地的孩子
[06:55.74]And Christians get angry at me 'cause I say things like Why the long nose Pope nocchio
[06:59.66]基督徒对我恼羞成怒因为我说为什么长鼻子教宗夜猫子
[06:59.66]They'll think I'll go to Hell
[07:01.82]他们会以为我会下地狱
[07:01.82]The truth is I've been to Christian Hell
[07:03.77]事实上我去过基督教地狱
[07:03.77]And I actually wrote a song about it
[07:07.64]我为此写了一首歌
[07:07.64]Hitler was there
[07:08.79]希特勒就在那里
[07:08.79]And so were all the Jews yeah
[07:11.16]所有的犹太人也一样
[07:11.16]So it got a little awkward
[07:16.01]所以有点尴尬